No Offense Meant to Your Innate Sensibilities

Take a former high-speed military guy, add a flagrantly narrow view of music and the arts, ignite the passion and conviction that so often come only in later years, mix in 30 years of psycho-spiritual experimentation, a healthy belief that the Ashkenazi and Sephardics really ARE the REAL Jews, add a dollop of cancer and poverty and VOILA! I have come.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Adonai Elohim
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Adonai Elohenu
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Adonai Melehk
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Adonai Ha'aretz
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, YHVH Tzabaoth
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, YHVH Elohim
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, YHVH Elohim Gibor
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Metatron
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Michael
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Gabriel
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Sandalphon
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Raphael
Qadosh, Qadosh, Qadosh, Auriel

Kalla Meschiach, Yeshuah Meschiach.

Attended by Six of the Mighty Seven,
I am a Child of Earth and of the Starry Heavens,
But my race is of Heaven alone.

Om Bhu Om Bhuvaha Om Svaha
Om Maha Om Janaha Om Tapaha
Om Satyam Om Tat Savitur Varenyam
Bhargo Devasya Dimahi
Diyo Yonaha Prachodyat

Om Aim Hreem Shreem Shri Lalita Tripurasundari Padukam Poojyami Namah

Om Namaha Shiva
Om Namaha Durga
Om Namaha Kali
Om Namaha Krishna
Om Namaha Vishnu

Shema Y'Israel YHVH Elohenu YHVH Achad!

Hello, all my dear Jewish and Hindu friends. Judgement Day has come and gone and yet here we are.

Part of that could be due to the vile garbage being discussed at various blogs here that we are all imposters to the throne and that the African-Americans and Hispanics are the True 12 Tribes of Israel. Neither pity nor curse them. Love them and understand that they are confused by their short and transient stay on Earth.


Friday, May 20, 2011

Bothering the Bejesus outa Me.

So, tomorrow is judgement day. Oh my. There were so many things I had hoped to do. Probably the best thing I've managed to do is acquire an admirable arsenal and an elephant-load of ammo.

The good pastor that declared Saturday the End....the Hagees of the world, the fundamentalist nutjobs that apparently take every book they read LITERALLY, are just waiting, hoping with baited breath that their self-serving predictions will come to be. Bring on the Beast and Leviathan, Babalon and the Dajjal!

These people are spiritual predators. They have no more answers to the deepest questions than you do, but you just don't know it. You've fallen into a sort of sleep, a deep trance, and you've forgotten your origins. Here. Let me remind you -

"We are children of the earth and of the starry heavens,
  But our race is of the Heavens alone."

Simply walk away from the hate-mongers, the fear-mongers and the True Black Tribes of Israel, all the fundamentalists that would stone a rape victim or a homosexual or an adulterer and find the truth within you.

"That which you find within you will save you. That which you fail to find within you will destroy you."

Sunday, May 15, 2011


After many years, this statement is prophetic enough to be a little scary.

"The most merciful thing in the world is the inability of the human mind to correlate all of its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

The sciences, each straining in its own direction have hitherto harmed us little, but someday, the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality and our frightful position therein that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age."


Saturday, May 14, 2011

Jesus H. Christ

Welcome to the lunatic fringe! Here, you will find things that will both amaze and nauseate you.

How about an old lady who's had phone service for 30 years, cancels and get a final bill for $5.00. Then, later she gets a "revised" closing bill for $1.13. Then, she asked to have the bill taken out of her dead husband's name and was told it would cost a fee to add her name as the main account holder!

Clearly, I have a robust dislike of capitalism, but what is going on when people, old people, on limited income, get treated like this by people who own yachts and three houses in the mountains?!

Burn this shit down and start all over again. 'Cause if we don't, someone is going to whether that be Middle-Eastern extremists or the Chinese or our own people. Something's got to go and my suggestion would be the corporate fat-cat that should (as my radical Romanian ex-wife used to say) be taken outside, put against a wall and shot. When the world loses its sense of justice, compassion and empathy, it's time for heads to roll, so let's get to rolling.

These people feel invulnerable to any results of their actions. They rule the status quo and live like kings, yet will gladly take away so-called "entitlements" from the old and the poor. They are our representatives yet what they truly represent is themselves and their special interest cronies. Not one of them casts an eye on the future and says "hey...wait a minute." When I read today that SSN will run dry around 2021, I about had an aneurysm. That's right around the time I would be retiring. That's ok...I'll work til I drop dead, but what about others who might have physical limitations, others who are just plain too old and tired to work anymore. No benefits for them?

I supposedly have PTSD, anxiety disorder and bi-polarism. I take a scad of pills every day because of this and the cancer. Chemo has me about wiped out and you know what the corporate bigwigs think about that?
They think I need to work my scheduled hours as if the bottom line of the corporation somehow trumps my health and my life. Well, I say to hell with that. If I have to work til I drop, I will do so but I'm not going to be the most pleasant employee to deal with.

Why don't we stand up and tell these gray-headed goofballs that we've had enough? What are they going to do, send the military after us. Do they really believe that American military men will fire on their wives and children, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters?! It goes to show just how power-crazed and irrational our so-called "leaders" have become.

How I wish that Obama could send Seal Team Six into Congress and the House to do some "housecleaning."

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Life As I Know It.

I owe the IRS 6K. Nothing's been over ten years since I made my mistakes and they managed to file a federal tax lien against me but that's as far as it's gone. Guess I'd be willing to do a reasonable amount of jail time if it meant I could get that monkey off my back but I don't think jail is an option. Will I pay it? I don't know. We give away so many billions of dollars to those who openly want us dead that I feel a little indignant having the government after me for $6000.

I've been single (for the most part) for 12 years. I'm growing older now and the beautiful creatures you see on TV, with white hair, in good shape and truly pretty don't actually exist in real life. I've idealized love and have come to terms that I will never find her, therefore I shall remain alone for the remainder of my days. Companionship is awesome, but imagine how a woman would feel if I was like "well, I love your company, I just don't find you appealing to lay down next to." Ouch.

I've been told I have bi-polar disorder (whatever the hell that is.....I have bad moods and good moods like everyone else), anxiety disorder (yeah, I can be a pretty nervous cat), PTSD from the Big One in Northridge in 1995, depression (who doesn't have depression? Life sucks once you scrape away the niceties). Taking an ape-load of medicine but still often sleep til 4 in the afternoon. And the most amazing thing about it is that I appear to be a normal guy, actually a nice guy.

I've been fascinated by the spiritual questions, the perennial questions. Not much else matters to me besides the twenty-five years of questioning the whys, wherefores and hows of existence. I believe, after much studying, that we are part of something so big, so alien and so unlike anything we can imagine that it defies the human language. God? Hardly. What I envision cannot be called "God" because It would not agree with that moniker. Really, it's a personal thing and doesn't warrant much discussion.

Terrorism, war, poverty, disease, and the deep existential unhappiness I encounter in people I meet all are things that bother me. If our mission is to evolve or die, I fear for the worst.

So, I am middle-aged, approaching "old". Have nothing of any monetary value. Have debt from which I cannot escape. I love intensely, but from a distance. I'm in incredibly good shape from my former military days or I'd probably be dead or crippled by now. I believe in god but not in the big Father in the Sky who watches us and is pleased or displeased as if by whim. I do not expect to encounter happiness (in the regular person's definition) for the rest of my days and have a feeling that the future holds some level of dread for each and every one of us.

What an approach to life! Godspeed to you, dear reader - be blessed, and let courage, truth, and love be your allies for all your days.

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Hope For Trinity

Heard from an old friend a couple of days ago. Hadn't heard from her for about one and a half years and didn't think much of it since she is a bit of a "free spirit".

Was quite happy to hear from her though, because I had missed her. She related the story of her year to me.
As it turns out, her little girl Trinity had contracted bone cancer and was undergoing what would hopefully be lifesaving chemo and other treatment. Last time I saw Trinity, she was around 4 and was a quiet, adorable little red-head full of playfulness and wonder.

It hit me hard to hear that she spends most of her time just being sick and staring at the ceiling. My own cancer experience is a walk-in-the-park compared to what she's going through and I would wager that her young heart and mind contain more courage to battle through this and sustain life than I have. I sure hope so.

Then it dawned on me that despite my years of searching for the answers that we all yearn to find, I've yet to uncover a satisfactory explanation of why there is evil and suffering in the world. Why the hardened hearts of the status quo don't explode with grief over the plight of these kids (and the thousands who die each day from hunger, preventable disease, and neglect) is beyond me.

So why evil, why pain and suffering in one so young and innocent? Plenty of people have an explanation ranging from "The Fall" to numerous other mythical or theological explanations, but I'm sorry...none of them seem to fit the bill of explaining why suffering is an integral and natural part of life.

The Buddha posited that our suffering comes from craving, from clinging to that which is impermanent and can never satisfy. I've seen this theory in action and know that it makes sense, but I wonder how much sense it makes to a child who has not even lived long enough to conceptualize impermanence?

If today was my last day, I would still struggle with those questions to which there seem to be no workable answers. I think of little Trinity and the thousands like her and can only hope that one day we will rise above the "human condition" to a deeper understanding and a more effective way of dealing with disease and handicap.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Idiotic Genius

Hi, all. I'm a chronic underachiever and thought I'd share that with you, just in case you ever feel like an idiot. I'd like you to know that you are not alone.

I was beat over the head as a child by my parents, my principal, my counselors, and my teachers, all about the same old thing. I supposedly had an IQ of 166 (somewhere like six points beyond Einstein) and yet I had the most absurd trouble with algebra and other advanced mathematics. It was a living hell. IQ points notwithstanding, if I were as smart as Einstein I probably would have had at least an inkling as to what to do with my life.

My interests in boyhood were, pardon me, being a soldier, a cowboy, or an astronaut. English grammar, world history, and math all seemed mundane despite my lack of understanding. Now, after having gained decades of "wisdom" I see the error of my ways. Since it appears that the "language" of the "universe" and "nature" is actually based on numbers, I find mathematics incredibly fascinating in a kabbalistic kind of way. What I wouldn't give to be able to frantically scrawl calculations and equations on a whiteboard while looking solemn and important. I'm a physicist who missed his calling.

All things that were boring to me as a child, I now find fascinating. Ancient history, circa bronze age and beyond, is one of my favorites. English and grammar, despite my apparent lack of punctuation knowledge, remain my strong points but even then I can often find it difficult to come up with a one-line blog. So here I am, an idiot trapped in the body of a wunderkind. It's not easy. The surprise people express when I start rattling off trivia or other knowledge not generally accessible to the average joe is quickly offset by my obvious lack of any practical acumen. Balancing checkbooks, keeping up with bills, filing with the IRS, all forward motion or progress in this life, for the most part, seems beyond my ken. I can speak endlessly on Renaissance philosophy and arcane subjects but trip foolishly over my own tongue when trying to address subjects like retirement, 401 K, stocks and all that good stuff that helps to make us well-monied.

So, I'm a moron with the intellectual desire of a University professor. If you see me on the street, pretending to be knowledgeable, take pity on me and maybe offer an idiot's stipend for my show of bravado in trying to convince you that, no, I'm really not as stupid as I sound nor as brilliant as I look.

Or is it the other way around?