No Offense Meant to Your Innate Sensibilities

Take a former high-speed military guy, add a flagrantly narrow view of music and the arts, ignite the passion and conviction that so often come only in later years, mix in 30 years of psycho-spiritual experimentation, a healthy belief that the Ashkenazi and Sephardics really ARE the REAL Jews, add a dollop of cancer and poverty and VOILA! I have come.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Idiotic Genius

Hi, all. I'm a chronic underachiever and thought I'd share that with you, just in case you ever feel like an idiot. I'd like you to know that you are not alone.

I was beat over the head as a child by my parents, my principal, my counselors, and my teachers, all about the same old thing. I supposedly had an IQ of 166 (somewhere like six points beyond Einstein) and yet I had the most absurd trouble with algebra and other advanced mathematics. It was a living hell. IQ points notwithstanding, if I were as smart as Einstein I probably would have had at least an inkling as to what to do with my life.

My interests in boyhood were, pardon me, being a soldier, a cowboy, or an astronaut. English grammar, world history, and math all seemed mundane despite my lack of understanding. Now, after having gained decades of "wisdom" I see the error of my ways. Since it appears that the "language" of the "universe" and "nature" is actually based on numbers, I find mathematics incredibly fascinating in a kabbalistic kind of way. What I wouldn't give to be able to frantically scrawl calculations and equations on a whiteboard while looking solemn and important. I'm a physicist who missed his calling.

All things that were boring to me as a child, I now find fascinating. Ancient history, circa bronze age and beyond, is one of my favorites. English and grammar, despite my apparent lack of punctuation knowledge, remain my strong points but even then I can often find it difficult to come up with a one-line blog. So here I am, an idiot trapped in the body of a wunderkind. It's not easy. The surprise people express when I start rattling off trivia or other knowledge not generally accessible to the average joe is quickly offset by my obvious lack of any practical acumen. Balancing checkbooks, keeping up with bills, filing with the IRS, all forward motion or progress in this life, for the most part, seems beyond my ken. I can speak endlessly on Renaissance philosophy and arcane subjects but trip foolishly over my own tongue when trying to address subjects like retirement, 401 K, stocks and all that good stuff that helps to make us well-monied.

So, I'm a moron with the intellectual desire of a University professor. If you see me on the street, pretending to be knowledgeable, take pity on me and maybe offer an idiot's stipend for my show of bravado in trying to convince you that, no, I'm really not as stupid as I sound nor as brilliant as I look.

Or is it the other way around?

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