No Offense Meant to Your Innate Sensibilities

Take a former high-speed military guy, add a flagrantly narrow view of music and the arts, ignite the passion and conviction that so often come only in later years, mix in 30 years of psycho-spiritual experimentation, a healthy belief that the Ashkenazi and Sephardics really ARE the REAL Jews, add a dollop of cancer and poverty and VOILA! I have come.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

The First. The Worst.

My first blog. Nothing Earth-shattering or paradigm-shifting, nothing like that. Just an introduction and a chance for me to see if this gets old with one entry or if I'm in it for the long haul.

Rotten childhood, like most people seem to have had. What are there, two good parents out there? Alcoholic father, passive mother, and me with a hankering to learn, to experience, and to grow. Forgot about the bad times 'til recently when they resurfaced in consciousness, empowered by years of neglect.

Nothing hurts like pain.

I'm at that time in life where, after 25 years of "seeking", I've found that certain things are not what they seem.

"Lead me from the Unreal to the Real". Well, the real seems pretty unreal most of the time. After a disastrous road trip during which I lost most of my possessions, I came home with my tail between my legs to later find out that my body was playing host to an uninvited guest. Cancer. Recurrent bladder cancer. One of the best you can get if you catch it early, so I was fortunate. Three surgeries later, I once again have a clean bill of health although I would be naive to suggest it will not return one day. I pee more than a platoon of hard-drinking sailors and can intuit there is something amiss with my cells but so long as the doctor doesn't give me a checkout date, I'm ok with it. Even if the doctor does give me bad news one day, I kind of have to be ok with it. Not much choice.

Perhaps this is why people tend to piss me off like they do. I'm friendly and get along with most everyone, but what I would like to do is wear a sign around my neck - "leave me alone". This, I think, would suffice to accomplish my goal of not being bothered by naysayers or busybodies.

I have an insatiable appetite to explore things that we don't (perhaps can't) know the answers to. What they call the "Perennial Questions". This much later, I've not found any answers but I have made some observations. Only perhaps one tenth of one percent ever ask these questions. A writer once scribed that life is "nasty, brutish, and short." He could have easily used similar words to describe the human race and the way we treat each other. How many of us choose to concentrate on our selves to the expense of all others, the me-me-me mentality - what's for dinner, what's on TV, whose for sex, am I important yet, is it all about me yet?"

The minute we switch from being self-directed to being other-directed something inside of us flowers and we bloom, opening fully to the Sun and its warming rays. As Yeshua is stated to have said - "That which you find inside you will save you...that which you fail to find inside you will destroy you."

I'm older, smarter, and more tore-up-from-the-floor-up messed-up-from-the-chest-up than ever before. Seems that as we reach our highest pinnacle we also reach our lowest low and sometimes the juxtaposition can be confusing.

I love animals with a passion, and also love martial arts, music, the outdoors, and computer technology. Good books, good CD's, good movies, good food, and beauty all provide me with inspiration and a great deal of satisfaction too. The two things I fear relinquishing at death, more than all other things, are Iron Maiden and knowledge. Not sure what I will do without these two things. Maybe just stand around sticking my fork into the slackers in Hell.

Anyway, if I continue to blog, you will hear things you've not heard before. If I fail to continue, you won't.

It just may be that I don't have all that much to say.

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