No Offense Meant to Your Innate Sensibilities

Take a former high-speed military guy, add a flagrantly narrow view of music and the arts, ignite the passion and conviction that so often come only in later years, mix in 30 years of psycho-spiritual experimentation, a healthy belief that the Ashkenazi and Sephardics really ARE the REAL Jews, add a dollop of cancer and poverty and VOILA! I have come.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Oh, to Hell with you....

Here I am again, getting warned about my impending termination unless I "get with the program" and start selling a bunch of garbage to an unsuspecting public. Yes, telephone service, DSL internet and Direct TV, three items I should be more than happy to shove down everybody's throat and if my moral character kicks in, if I hesitate to take money out of the pockets of those who can scarcely afford food and put it in the pockets of the corporate hoi-polloi, I stand the chance of being fired. Let us not concentrate on the fact that I deliver world-class customer service and exceptional trouble-shooting, but let us only consider that if my "revenue per call" is only $37, I am only making the company $37 for each and every of the 30 or 40 calls I take each day. If one wishes to see corruption and the very worst of human nature, one only need look at the telecommunications industry and observe how they treat their "valued" customers.

We work on an internal system that is so slow it can take 3 minutes to get from one webpage to another, that crashes on a regular basis, and that cripples us in every interaction. The call center is louder than a packed bar on Friday night and often we cannot even hear what the people on the other end of the line are saying. At least 95% of our calls are based on issues such as billing complaints, service outages, and unfulfilled promises. And our company promises 99.9% network reliability but I can tell you for a fact that this number is nonsense. We get a huge amount of calls for non-working internet and phone lines.

The company pays us between $7 an hour and $8.25 an hour, so lets do the math. In an eight hour shift, if I take 30 calls that is one call every 16 minutes. I get about $2 for each call and the company gets $37 for that call. Quite a profit considering most the time I'm just answering questions.

Sorry guys. I was trained at Tele-Tech in Los Angeles, one of the premier international customer service call-centers in the world. If they tell me that customer relations and support are more important than sales, I have to agree with them.

I just got a call from a guy who received an unexpected $400 bill. I was unable to help him and any department that IS able to help is presently closed. Should I have been able to sell him something? I don't know. He got screwed the first time around, so why would he make a purchase while holding a bill that he claims is in error?!

This place just flies in the face of everything I believe in. So fire me. Do me a favor.

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